E PLURIBUS MORON

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Chug Harriet Tubman! Chug!

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For college students, May is a month of transition: for some classes end, while others graduate, entering the real world and changing the meaning of the phrase “casual cocaine use”. However one school, Miami University of Ohio, and its deeply intellectual and dignified sororities, have shown not all students deal well with this change.

First, Miami University’ chapter of Pi Beta Phi sorority (otherwise known as Binge Vomit Weep) got a terrific write up in Gawker thanks to their antics during their spring formal at a lakeside lodge. The inebriated sisters and their dates managed to vomit on themselves, bang in a supply closet, destroy statues, leave behind 30 cases of Natty Lite, and, best of all, poop on the lodge itself.

Not to be outdone, the sorority Alpha XI Delta decided soiling private property wasn’t offensive enough because it didn’t have anything to do with the abolition of slavery (Kudos AXD for remembering about stuff that happened before Gossip Girl). The sorority rented out the National Underground Railroad Freedom Museum, and after some students vomited and peed all over the museum, one male student attempted to urinate on a “priceless and sanctified” slave pen. What, being covered in drunk frat boy pee isn’t making it more priceless and sanctified? That’s just the type of tyrannical bigotry Harriet Tubman fought against…

Oh America’s sororities, you are such a bastion of lady like behavior and learning. And alcohol poisoning, of course.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

May 25, 2010 at 5:42 pm

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