E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

Congressional hobo slumber party!

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The United States House of Representatives is filled with hobos. That’s hobo with a “B”, not with an “M” despite what you may read in the news.

Like millions of other homeless people, the AP reports that upwards of 40 members of Congress sleep in their own offices. Members complain that Washington D.C’s high rent and the hectic nature of their schedules make spending the night in their offices the best option. That is of course fucking stupid. I pay D.C’s inflated rent, and unlike a Congressperson, I don’t make $174,000 a year. They are just practically giving away condos in this town! Anybody making that money and sleeping on their office floor is clearly paying extortion money to a mistress/gay escort.

Are we supposed to feel that a sleeping in your office’s closet is a type of commendable thriftyness? When constituents tell you that they want you to reduce spending they mean the government’s spending, not your own personal finances. Can that even be sanitary? Members of Congress told the AP that they have to shower in the Congressional gym, and we all know what happens in there–naked Jew assaults!

Maybe, since 40 members of congress sleep in their office, it’s actually a bit like a slumber party, or even a college dorm (remember not to commit Hall-cest guys…). But, when it comes right down to it, Congress people don’t want a semi-permanent residence in D.C because it makes them vulnerable to be attacked as an insider. That’s right: American politics has gotten to a point where Congress people would rather be hobos than admit to working in D.C. If this wins any votes it’s pretty clear we need to switch to some sort of military junta.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

May 13, 2010 at 3:44 pm

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