E PLURIBUS MORON

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Softball: America’s rainbow political menace

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Is Elena Kagan, Barack Obama’s supreme court nominee, an Constitutional originalist or an expanisionist? Well it seems like the media is more concerned with other questions, like whether or not she drives a subaru. Or wears flannel. Or has yearly tickets to the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival. Do you see what I’m driving at here, L-Word fans?

Basically, Cathy Renna, former spokesperson for GLAAD, has accused The Wall Street Journal of nastily implying that Kagan is a lesbian by using a photo of her playing softball. “The question from a journalistic perspective” Renna told Politico‘s Ben Smith “is whether it’s a descriptive representation of who she might be as a judge. Have you ever seen a picture of Clarence Thomas bowling?” Renna is right: the WSJ has never ran a photo of Thomas bowling because as we all known he bowls in the nude.

But does having played softball automatically make you a lesbian? Lots of subcultures like softball: Hipsters play it as yet another excuse to where short shorts and drink during the day time. Singles use it to distract them from how depressing J-Date is. Indeed, as a former manager of a very successful JV softball team (woo my high school athleticism), I can attest that straight girls play softball as a way to deal with aggression issues that stem America’s uncomfortable relationship with female athletes.

It’s not even like Kagan, were she to be gay/come out, would be the first gay on the court! Benjamin Cardozo, Frank Murphy, David Souter and Sonia Sotomayor have all been accused of being light in the loafers. And let’s not forget Walter “Too Gay To Adjudicate” Simmons and Roy “Hey Betch!” Hunt. How many glory holes does one branch of government need, am I right?

It seems to me then that by noisily accusing the WSJ of homophobia, Renna has in a pretty public way drawn attention to Kagan’s sexuality- which is the exact opposite of what we should be focusing on. For however stupid that is, it’s gonna get even dumber if this all becomes a debate about which sport is the dykiest, because it’s clearly rugby.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

May 12, 2010 at 11:43 am

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