E PLURIBUS MORON

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Trend watch: Failure beards!

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Welcome to EPM‘s newest recurring feature Trend Watch! We’ll be updating you on the hottest trends in fashion and style. God I feel just like Whitney Port on The City– except that for some reason my vacant, haunting stare hasn’t landed me an skin care line yet.

Anyway, let’s talk about a new style craze that is sweeping the country: failure beards! Conan O’Brien, who was ousted from hosting the Tonight Show in a little reported story earlier this year, will appear on 60 Minutes this sunday to discuss how much he hates Jay Leno and junk. Check out the new look that Coco is rockin!

Woah there Grizzly Adams! We’ve never seen Conan with a beard before. Was the fact that Jay Leno stole his show back so embarassing he must cover his chin in a furry red carpet of shame? Come to think it, Al Gore did the same thing when he had the presidency stolen from him!

So what’s the deal here? Is it innate to the American experience that when you’re a good guy who gets screwed over by a bunch of idiots you have to go into the mountains and eat bush meat, only coming back to civilization when you look like a 1970’s signer-song writer? You know what, I can think of another example of a group of fine people who society picked on, forcing them to grow big bushy beards…

That’s right! The Jews. So you see people, whether you worship at the Golden Calf of NBC, the Presidency, or a bunch of Hebrew Heretics, for some stupid reason a beard is the way of telling America that you’re serious and you’ve moved on.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

April 30, 2010 at 12:55 pm

Posted in Style and Fashion

Tagged with ,

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