The Plagiarization of Poultry Politics

Heads up Glenn Beck—some GOP candidates want to go past the golden years of the 1950’s to an even simpler time…

Sue Lowden, former Miss New Jersey, TV Newscaster and casino boss is running for the GOP nomination to challenge the vulnerable Harry Reid for Senate in Nevada. Lowden vehemently opposes that commie bullshit Healthcare bill, and when asked in an interview how she would reform our nation’s broken healthcare system, Lowden replied “You know, before we all started having healthcare, in the olden days our grandparents, they would bring a chicken to the doctor, they would say I’ll paint your house.” Later, when pushed to say she had misspoken, Lowden refused to back down from her chicken barter healthcare plan.

While her colossal stupidity is good news for the state’s current senator, it is very bad news for a previous one. William M. Stewart, pictured below, was Nevada’s first senator and was the first to propose that the nation’s healthcare system be modernized from bartering with slaves and women for medical service to a more civilized system of bartering with chickens.

We at EPM managed to reach Stewart’s ghost for comment, who wrote us this letter:

Gadzooks! This demonstrative incidence of plagiarism will not stand! I encourage the good people of Nevada to ignore this woman, for upon examining her untoward vestments and rough shirk–a-day speech patterns is clearly a prostitute of the most vile order!

It’s preposterous to even imagine the State House appointing this rapacious FEMALE strumpet to the Senate. What’s that? Women can run for office and vote? But what of their ovaries? And since when are Senators popularly elected? Surely the good Caucasoid voters of Nevada will find someone more deserving of the position: let me suggest Ms. Lowden’s chicken itself. Need I remind you that a mule ably represented the state of Missouri for 8 long years?

In any case, plagiarism, when committed by a man or woman (with their weaker sense of propriety), is a grievous offense that demands swift response. I thus pledge to haunt her ‘McMansion’ (although it brings me no pleasure to spend time in a Scotsman’s house) until she removes this idea from her campaign plank and focuses once more on the nation’s important issues: Indian scalp prices, railroad dynamite subsidies and Mexican-American war pensions.

Yours in the name of our Jew-killed savior,

William Mirken Stewart

If Reid loses to this woman I am going to be sick…someone, lend me a chicken?