E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

Evry1 on SCOTUS iz 2 dam old :(

with one comment

The Supreme Court is currently hearing arguments in the City of Ontario vs. Quon, and this case is raising eyebrows about just how in touch with society the members of our nation’s highest court are. The case questions whether or not the city of Ontario, CA violated the rights of a police officer when they read the sexy sexy messages he was sending to another police officer via their city-provided pagers. We found out in today’s arguments however that the members of the Supreme Court truly don’t know shit about modern technology.

Chief Justice John Roberts, who is actually the court’s youngest member, asked what the difference “between a pager and an email” was. Anthony Kennedy, the court’s swing vote and biggest dolt of late, asked if when two texts are sent at the same time if the texter doesn’t get a message saying “Your call is important to us, and we will get back to you”. Jesus tap dancing Christ since when did my Luddite dad join the Supreme Court? Do the Justice communicate with each other using tin cans tied together with string?

Clearly there is only one remedy to this really stupid problem: get someone young and tech savvy to be the new cool kid on the Court. That’s right, Barack Obama should appoint Justin Bieber. I know he was born in Canada but so was Gov. Jennifer Granholm of Michigan and she is being considered for the court. And I know he is only an elfin 16 year old and not a wise prudent jurist but have you seen those dimples?!? Most importantly, Justin Bieber is a twittering fiend and thus can help out the old squares who he’d sit on the bench with.

Not only would Justice Justin Bieber solve this problem, but it would make a rockin’ show for The Disney Channel! I call executive producer!

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

April 21, 2010 at 3:57 pm

One Response

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  1. […] Who knows what secrets he’s funneling up to those dastardly socialist beavers up north??? Only when they appoint him to the Supreme Court should he be allowed to attend this number of […]


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