E PLURIBUS MORON

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Ooh it’s a meth fiend! Get the camera honey.

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The Golden Gate Bridge and the Coit Tower? Who needs ’em! Many argue that these icons don’t represent San Francisco’s true sketchy nature, and that’s why some San Franciscans, in hopes of showing tourists every facet of their city’s rich culture, have started offering tours of the Tenderloin, the city’s crack smokenest neighborhood.

I’m not saying that the White people’s growing fascination with urban environments has finally jumped the shark, but it seems to me that offering people tours of the Tenderloin, the part of the United States that has the densest population of drug addicts and prostitutes this side of Charlie Sheen’s house, is a little ridiculous. It’s like some sort of zoo where instead of hippos and lions you get to see the abject failure that is the War on drugs (I can only imagine how inappropriate that gift shop is going to be).

Naturally, the tour is aimed at America’s most economically successful drug enthusiasts, Baby Boomers. Randy Shaw, the driving force behind the tour idea, told the New York Times he intends to build a $3 million museum in the Tenderloin to attract “baby boomer music fans…particularly baby boomer Deadheads” who will be “interested in the neighborhood’s “rich vice history,” which includes gambling dens, speakeasies and pornographic-movie houses.” What a grand idea: let’s take a bunch of people with lots of cash and a penchant for getting high and stick them in a place where scoring Acid and heroin is as easy as scoring herpes on Ke$ha’s toilet seat.

On the other hand, since Baby Boomers are undoubtedly America’s most annoying cultural subset, perhaps allowing them to mix hard drugs and tourism might just be the shot in the arm (heroin pun intended) this country needs!

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

April 12, 2010 at 1:50 pm

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