E PLURIBUS MORON

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“We’ll call it ‘This guy must have a huge penis'”

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According to Nikki Finke, Hollywood’s most ruthless Jew girl blogger, Winona Ryder has been cast as Kevin James’ wife in the upcoming film Cheater. In the movie, directed by Ron Howard, Ryder’s character is having an affair which is discovered by James’ best friend, played by Vince Vaughn.

Let’s talk about actual cheating for a second: you know what screams infidelity to the true nature of the world? The idea that Winona Ryder would marry Kevin James. In what world would these two be a couple? Come on Ron Howard! You’re my favorite little elfin ginger person! Do you really have to cast a wood nymph and an ogre together as a couple?

Seriously, it seems like in the past few years dozens of movies have come out with the idiotic premise that loser guys deserve hot girls, and thanks to entrenched sexism you’ll never see the opposite. 

Just once let’s see the reverse: that’s right, I want to see a movie where Zac Efron falls in love with Mo’nique. Or maybe a steamy shower scene with Orlando Bloom and Rosie O’Donnell. Yeesh. Sorry to post this idea so close to lunch…

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

April 7, 2010 at 10:15 am

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