E PLURIBUS MORON

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It was pancakes vs. waffles, right?

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So my friend Bob McDonnell, who is the current Republican governor of Virginia, and I were having a discussion the other day about why the Civil War started. Really the only historic conflict we could think of was the great pancake house v. waffle house debate.

What’s that? Slavery? Whoops- guess we forgot about that little thing.

On Tuesday, Gov. McDonnell became the first Virginia governor this century to declare National Confederate History month and in his statement managed to not once mention slavery. In response to hippie Northern criticism, McDonnell said “there were any number of aspects to that conflict between the states. Obviously, it involved slavery…but I focused on the ones I thought were most significant for Virginia.” Right-because if there is one thing that Virginia lacks it’s the descendants of slaves (I think Timbaland might object and Chris Brown might choke a bitch).

This strikes me as moronic posturing, and as a blatant attempt to cover up what Virgina has become. The state isn’t exactly the land of Lee anymore: it went Democratic in 2008 and northern Virginia has more Starbucks, iPhones, and Pottery Barn furniture per square mile than almost any place in the country. 

If Gov. Barbour of Mississippi was truthful enough to recently admit that he’s a “fat redneck” why can’t Gov. McDonnell just embrace what his state has become: a land of Organic farms and boring gay government lawyers? There’s no need to cover up that $300 Italian espresso maker with the stars and bars and pretend you don’t know what slavery is.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

April 7, 2010 at 4:13 pm

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