Keep your government hands off my medicare!

Super sized scoff laws to bring down America

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“The Beef Jerky Got Me”–George Jolicouer’s famous last words.

Jolicouer was arrested yesterday for allegedly trying to make bogus returns at Florida convenience stores. Jolicouer, pictured above, is not your usual criminal in that he weighs over 600 pounds: which is pretty ironic when you consider the fact that his last name in French roughly translates to “beautiful heart” and not “swollen failing organ”.

In any case, Jolicouer went to a 7-11 where he attempted to get a $50 refund on moldy beef jerky he supposedly bought. The store attendant became suspicious and called the cops who arrested Jolicouer. Can I make a suggestion before we go on? Successful criminals try to blend in with crowds, and when you weigh as much as everyone else in the 7-11 combined, it’s probably smart to just not go for that refund scam.

This story has a scary twist though: Joliecouer was too fat to put in jail! Even Florida, home to people the size of their own trailers, doesn’t have the facilities to lock up the hyper mega obese. This to me seems like a dangerous exposure of the weaknesses in America’s criminal system. We have soooo many morbidly obese people in this country, and once they find out that no jail can hold their titanic girth they will run amok through this country like a pack of angry rhinos!

And to think if only Barack Obama didn’t have a secret plan to take away all our guns…


Written by Your Benevolent Editor

April 2, 2010 at 2:35 pm

One Response

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  1. “Successful criminals try to blend in with crowds”…”not with the building the store is in itself”

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