E PLURIBUS MORON

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Hyptonic sandwich ad drives NJ man to violence

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A man in South Brunswick, N.J assaulted an employee at McDonalds for not getting him his filet-o-fish sandwich fast enough. Allegedly, The man ordered a fish sandwich, at 4:30 a.m, and when it took too long to prepare he got out of his car, crawled through the drive through window and slapped the employee before threatening him verbally and fleeing the scene with the sandwich.

Clearly, anybody ordering a filet-o-fish sandwich at 4:30 in the fucking morning is a sick sick man. I mean, we know that only morbidly obese people even consider eating fish at McDonalds, and the idea of an irate psychopathic fatty wriggling through the drive the window is indeed a truly haunting image.

I am certain that we can trace his man’s mental problems to that ridiculous Big Mouth Billy Bass ad. The song’s eery hypnotic melody and constant re-airing must be a conspiracy to drive otherwise peaceful, manatee like Americans insane enough to actually order fish from McDonalds.

What a terrifying sandwich related story. Thank god I’m off bread for passover along with everyone else in the media.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

March 31, 2010 at 11:25 am

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