Keep your government hands off my medicare!

Depressive cat burglars can’t do anything right

leave a comment »

Where’s Batman when you need him? Probably in that big fruity mansion with his twink of a partner Robin.

Anyway, on March 16th brazen burglars stole up to $75,000,000 in Eli Lilly brand prescription medication. What did they steal exactly? Well while most people would have gone straight for the stimulants, the tranquilizers or the pain pills, these pusillanimous pilferers went directly for the anti-depressants, which to me seems either like a hugely stupid mistake.

I mean come on, anti-depressants are about the only widely available prescription drug that people don’t recreationally abuse. Where is the thrill in stealing from people who already think that they suck? That’s why last year those teenage Hollywood burglars broke into Audrina Patridge’s house and not her Hills costar Lo Bosworths’s place- even thieves don’t kick people when they’re down/barely famous.

The other explanation here, of course, is that the burglars themselves were so insanely depressed that they need 75 million dollars in stolen wellbutrin. One wonders if they didn’t break into the warehouse, see all the good drugs and say “Oh dear, I’m not talented enough thief to ~sob~ steal the good drugs ~weeps uncontrollably while stuffing dufflebag with Lexapro~.”

These stupid stupid people don’t need jaily time! They need hugs.


Written by Your Benevolent Editor

March 17, 2010 at 2:25 pm

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: