They should really reduce it to One or Two Loko

Being a graduate of Vassar College, I can remember the genteel days of college life where the Rockefeller girls and I would gather in the parlor, discuss which Yale boys we intended to take to take to the Fall Harvest Social all while slamming Sparks Alcoholic Energy Drink.

But the civilized days of Sparks are behind us, as Four Loko, a 24 proof alcoholic energy drink, is sweeping colleges across the nation. The New York Times (in their weekly “Guess what your daughter is doing at Wash.U.” section) revealed that a can of Four Loko has slightly more caffeine in it than two cans of Red Bull and more caffeine than four cans of Coke. Yikes: and here I thought people felt ill from Four Loko because of disgusting sexual acts they commit when drinking it.

All that caffeine and alcohol has freaked out some college administrators, as Ramapo University’s administration just banned Four Loko from their campus. Yeah sure mixing uppers and downers killed River Phoenix, but with the way the post-college job market is going, University Career Services offices might want to consider buying Four Loko by the ton.

It’s important to put this drink in perspective and lose the stupid hysterics: Four Loko is a fad. Like a U.T.I, another symptom of boozy college social life, this elixir will run its course and will eventually be replaced by something else. And it’ll probably be called Rape Juice.